Hello all! It’s been a busy few weeks for me. Some key points of my week include learning about my trust with others, being published on HuffPost, adapting as a broke college kid at 25, green tea lattes, vacationing from social media (kind of), and fear.
On Trust– I’m starting to see this week how very little I trust in others. Even though I’m an open book, believing that I can trust someone entirely is a really hard concept for me. Sure, I can share a lot with the world, (hello, key point number two with HuffPost and sharing my soul with the 3 Million and more readers on their page), I can’t really let my heart-guard down for too many. I find that even if I’m sharing parts of myself with others, I’m still guarded. I’m still doubting in their authenticity. I’m still waiting on them to let me down and walk away. I’m still analyzing every word they say to see if I can find a crack in the pavement of their story. It’s not that I think everyone in the world is untrustworthy, fake, or any negative emotion associated with trust. It’s just that somewhere deep down, something in me is so scared of being vulnerable in all facets of myself. And my eyes have been opened to that, and now any eyes that come across this blog get to be open to that revelation in my life as well. See, I trust you in that aspect at least.
On HuffPost– Holy wow. Huffington. Freaking. Post. Can I just have a moment to please freak out about the speed of everything happening over the last month? One day I was doing 97 hour pay periods at work, dropping classes, convinced that I was going to never go back to school or write again, to Huffington Post publishing my first blog and enrolling in full-time college! I can’t tell you when it hit me to follow my dreams. I wish I could pin point what happened to lead me to where I am. I think it was a lot of prayerful consideration and blind faith in myself and my Higher Power, and a yearning for something so much more than my comfort zone.
I just went for it with HuffPost after being accepting into their Blogger Backstage. I swear I checked my email 20 times a day the first two days. After a week of wondering, I just gave it up. Another week went by, and on Tuesday, it all changed. My blog was posted. It felt so wonderful to hear the congrats and the praises. But then, of course, came the haters. A friend of mine who has been supporting me since I went public with my writing told me haters meant I was doing something right. The cool thing about reading negative comments is that today, I’m able to read them, know that they may or may not hold some depth to them, take them constructively, and leave the bad ones right where they are. I don’t have to sit in pity or be worried that someone didn’t like them. Remember peaches? Not everyone likes them, and thank goodness for that! It’d be one boring place if everyone did. So yeah. HuffPost. Really awesome week in terms of my writing career.
On College– On the note of my writing career, ouch. Financially, I had no idea what college would do. I’ve been living financially as an adult since high school, give or take a few months in between when I needed a little help. I’ve been “broke” these last few years, but I’ve been broke in the sense that I can’t go to Target every single day or eat out or get my daily Green Tea Latte. Now, broke is starting to look like I’m having to ask the manager at Kroger what discounts I can get, not getting any more manicures or beauty luxuries, returning everything I bought from Target recently that still has the tags, and surrendering most, if not all, of my Green Tea Latte days. Plus a lot more. I know that still sounds like it’s not broke at all, but here comes the next part. Two weeks from now, I go part time at my job. I’ll leave the topic with that sentence, as it factors into the last few points.
On Green Tea Lattes– Obsession right now. Matcha, coconut milk, and green tea lattes. Too bad being in college, working part time, and being financially smart are making my Green Tea Latte days nearly extinct.
On Disconnecting– Social media has been ruling my life. I realize as a writer, I’m going to have to really learn to have a healthy, balanced relationship with it in order to reach others and connect to others. This blog will be connected to my Facebook, and I plan to get back on it after a few days of peace from it. I just know I need to work on getting my head up and away from my phone. I can’t wait to write about my experience with it.
On Fear-I’ve been worried about quiet a lot of stuff today. I’m about to take this giant leap of faith on myself in the upcoming days. Going part time at work to pursue a degree that is super iffy and competitive is really scary. Fear is the other side of faith. They can’t live together, so I have to pick which one I want to hang out with. Although I’m so excited for the next step in this journey, I have so many questions. What if I fail? What if I am not ready? What if this isn’t the right choice? What if, what if, what if? Well, what if I succeed? What if I’m exactly in the moment I’m supposed to be? I won’t ever know until I take this step and see what comes of it. I know that. I know that no matter what, it will be something from which I learn. Okay, that’s all for now. I hope you all have a great weekend! -Erin Paige